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Some may argue that the meaning of V-day is actually love–love and sex. So in honor of this wine-sex-chocolate-love holiday, and partially in response to my last post, I wanted to post ten things I love about dating a butch. Of course, I’m chivalrous in my own way, in my turn; but some nights it’s fun to be treated like a queen, and we enjoy the roles without taking them at face value.
I never feel that I owe her anything afterward, like she expects sex or affection or reciprocation for something.
I love bulging biceps contrasted with the thick straps of a black sports bra. I love hair that is long and soft enough to grab on to, but short enough to ruffle or spike up.
She doesn’t hide the feminine aspects of herself and her desires to match someone else’s expectations, whether they’re queer or straight. I love the sports bras, leather jackets, men’s cut garments and cropped hair.I get a girl who can open my door, lift me over the threshold, open jars, kill spiders, and look great with a flannel shirt and bulge in her jeans without the assumption that what our genitals look like determines how we divide up household tasks, who’s smarter, who should make more money, or who does what to who in the sack. She thinks gender stereotypes are for losers I have a lover who is multi-talented.She’s strong, she’s tough, she builds and fixes cars and computers, and loves sports, but she also cleans, bakes, sews, and appreciates things like interior decorating and sweet gestures.Because I feel safe with her, I have been able to explore my femmehood and find that I enjoy it.The look on her face as I ask her to lace up my corset or zip my dress serves as positive reinforcement.Over something made of several artfully decorated layers of chocolate, she took my hand and asked me if I’d be her girl.I was saying “yes” almost before she finished the sentence.While expressing my anger is healthier in blog form versus taking it out on people in my day-to-day life, I realize that to someone reading this, I may come across as quite the Debbie Downer. Yes, I know that the concept of chivalry originated in a very unique (and very feudal) time period, and that it is based in the belief that women are fragile helpless vessels that can’t open doors and faint upon hearing the word “fuck” spoken aloud.I stand by everything I’ve written–but I also want to add a splash of positivity every now and again, too, write as celebration as well as therapy. I also know that many 21st-century men take chivalry to mean ‘I do something nice for her, and she repays me with sex.’ Luckily for us femmes, butch chivalry doesn’t work this way. Of course my butch knows that I can open a door, or pay for a meal; when she does these things for me, she’s not insinuating that I’m incapable of taking care of myself.I don’t blame her faults and differences on her manhood, and she doesn’t blame mine on my womanhood; deconstructing and reconstructing gender allows us to examine where we’re human, not just either ‘male’ or ‘female’.She doesn’t look down on me or constrict my behavior based on what a woman should or should not do–she’s no stranger to crossing boundaries and breaking stereotypes, and she knows that I’m capable of the same.