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If there is one area where the most people seem to screw themselves over in dating, it’s that they let themselves obsess about everything.When you hear “obsession,” the mind often jumps to one-itis – and yes, getting hung up on the belief that this person or that person is The One is going to hold you back in dating.That is, you’re unaware of what it takes to do something, you’re aware that can’t do it, you know what you need to do but you have to think it through, and then finally, being able to do something as naturally as breathing.It’s like walking; we don’t think about everything it takes to walk – constantly shifting our balance, spacing our feet, etc., because we have achieved unconscious competence.I have lost track of how many people have written to me in a panic, believing that some little detail has totally derailed their date or their relationship.They beat themselves up over the fact that they weren’t date with their particular snugglebunny.You’re not dating a piano, you’re dating a person who is just as flawed and fucked up as you are.

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There are four stages of learning a skill: Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence and Unconscious Competence.Through practice – pulling ourselves up on things, taking those first few stumbling steps, we started to through trial and error.Before too long, we start being able to walk like it ain’t no thing and it becomes a part of our muscle memory.Even so, it’s entirely possible to psych yourself out and convince yourself that it’s all too complicated and difficult to keep in mind. One of the best ways to pick up a new skill is to, simply, break it down.Strip out the extraneous parts and just focus on the core.Pardon me while I drop something painfully obvious on you: Dating is complicated.Now, before you roll your eyes at me and reach for the “back” button on your browser, let me explain where I’m going with this. Nerd Love (aka Harris O’Malley) shares his advice on how to relax, stop overthinking, stay in the moment, and break dating down to its most basic core elements.Enjoy and, as always, let me know what you got out of it in the comments section below.The components of dating – where to meet people, how to get to know them off a cold or warm approach, the different aspects of attraction, even how to act on dates, can seem pants-shittingly intimidating.After all, when you’re socially inexperienced, how are you supposed to keep all of this in mind secure that next date and and…

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