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However, the biggest clue here is to understand that you need to posses the qualities you want in a partner. The more you have to give, the more you can ask in return.Relationships, and especially romantic ones are often a learning opportunity.But sometimes we get stuck repeating the same mistake over and over again, and that’s where we often start wondering why we have such bad luck. You choose and attract certain people and not others for a reason, and your partners do the same.You don’t get paired up by some cruel universe lottery.Those things that won’t go away because they are ingrained in that person’s character.You have to love that part, because that’s what you’ll be waking up every day. So if you want more than you feel you can give, work on developing those qualities in yourself.

Heartbreak, conflict, power games, disappointment, betrayal. Yes – all those things you thought you will get away from when you find that one person who truly cares for you, you get in a much stronger dose with that same person. Like any other challenging situations in life, it’s there to help us grow and heal so we can become happy.Think about what got you drawn to someone when you were 15 versus 25 versus later in life.We change and grow and mature, and so does our criteria.Even though it’s a hard way to learn, it’s an efficient one.If we see our romantic “failures” in that light, we understand that it’s all a part of the journey. If we don’t want or fear looking inside to start the change – we end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again.It's a whole new flavor of disconcert and disbelief. They've got something wrong - their expectations are off. And right now, when you look at how dating in America and dating in much of the West plays out, you're seeing this wide-eyed, confused disbelief from a large segment of both the male and the female dating populations. You don't hear women over 40 complaining much how there are "no men to date" - even though women at that age have far fewer options than their younger, louder counterparts.You also don't hear men over 40 complaining that "women skim right past them." So what's going on with the under-40 crowd that's got everybody so addled? I wanted to sort them out, and they were in equal parts thankful and irritated by that.We all have a set of triggers that make us fall in love, and to an extent, we can change that set intentionally.Our criteria can end up being too heavy on the lifestyle side (looks, jobs, interests, wealth and such) and not very well thought through on the personal qualities and character side (responsible, trustworthy, caring, honest, warm, etc.).Or we put too many things on there which are in conflict with each other (well organised and adventurous – for example), and we end up looking for a mix of qualities that’s impossible to find.

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